Divorced Dad Refuses to Cut His Custody Weekend with 10 and 7-Year Old Kids Short After His Ex-wife Asks for Them Back Because a Date Stood Her Up

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  • Silhouetted adult and 2 children fishing from a small boat on calm water at sunset.

    A visual stand-in for a father's time with his kids, showing silhouetted figures fishing from a small boat at sunset.

  • My ex-wife, Lisa (41F), and I (43M) divorced last summer. We share 2 kids (10 & 7). My wife currently has primary custody of them and I get them 2 weekends a month with

  • extra time during summer and holidays. I have been working very hard to change our custody agreement in order to get more time with the kids. But the main hurdle is that I live too far away from their school so I am looking to move closer but that takes time.

  • This past weekend I had the kids and took them to visit my parents since they live on a lake. We spent Saturday morning on the boat fishing and tubing and having a

  • Silhouetted adult and children fishing by the water at sunset with fishing rods.

    An editorial picture representing the father's time fishing with his children, showing three silhouetted figures fishing by the water at sunset.

  • blast. When we were back at the house getting ready for dinner, Lisa sent me a text asking if we could talk so I gave her a call.

  • She said that she was having a rough day and was feeling very emotional and alone. She asked if she could talk to the kids for a bit and I agreed. After a few minutes the kids gave me my phone back because Lisa wanted to talk more.

  • She asked if I would be willing to bring the kids back to her for the rest of the weekend because she missed them and just wanted to be around them.

  • Silhouetted adult and children fishing on a beach at sunset beneath clouds.

    A scenic visual reflecting a father's time with his kids, showing silhouetted figures fishing by the ocean at sunset.

  • I told her no because this is my time with them. I asked her what was going on because she usually doesn't contact me when I have the kids except to arrange drop- offs. She kind of tiptoed around it

  • The creative part was asking the kids first. A 10-year-old and a 7-year-old, mid-lake-weekend, receiving a call from their mom saying she misses them and wants them home, are not exactly operating from a neutral position when they answer that question. Framing a parental request as something the children chose sounds considerate on the surface and functions as leverage underneath, and the father clocked it immediately. By the time he got back on the phone, the request came pre-packaged with kid approval, which technically makes it harder to say no without seeming like the unreasonable one. He said no anyway.

  • a bit but eventually said that she had a date that evening but he ghosted her and she's feeling really emotional about it. It took every ounce of self-control I have not to start laughing.

  • She said that she already asked the kids about it and they said they were fine with it. I told her that is some manipulative BS and that I am not going to sacrifice my limited time with the kids just because she got stood up. I

  • What makes the whole exchange so telling is the texture of it. She reached out, stayed vague about why, built the emotional case gradually, secured the kids’ agreement in advance, and then sent texts calling him names when it did not work. None of that reads as a spontaneous bad night. It reads as someone who is used to the dynamic going a particular way and was genuinely surprised when it did not.

  • reminded her that she has the kids much more often than I do and I am going to keep them every single second that our custody agreement allows.

  • She told me that I was being a j and that if the kids want to go back to her then I should let them. I told her that the kids don't get to make that decision and I will be

  • keeping them until our agreed upon drop-off on Monday and ended the call. She sent a few texts later that night and during Sunday basically calling me an AH but I never responded. I figured the texts might come in handy when I try to change the custody agreement.

  • He saved every text. Whether that is cold or just extremely practical probably depends on which side of the custody agreement you are on, and it is almost certainly both. The kids had a great Sunday on the lake, he dropped them off on Monday as agreed, and the paperwork is building itself.

  • The kids and I spent a lot more time on the lake Sunday and then I brought them back to Lisa on Monday. She made a comment about how much she missed them and how she wished she could have seen them sooner while giving me a weird look. I didn't respond because it's not worth the fight.

  • Getting stood up on a date is rough. The instinct to want comfort from people who love you unconditionally is completely understandable. Calling your ex-husband to cut his custody 

  • I understand feeling emotional about being stood up but none of that is my fault and the way she went about it felt very underhanded and manipulative.

  • Adpiava Kids are not an emotional support animal. Just because she was feeling bad doesn't mean they need to drop everything to support her. I'd definitely keep track of this for the future.

  • slackerchic Ah yes, by all means let's ruin the children's carefree time with their dad so they can be used to cheer up their mom about some random dude who stood her up. Custody agreements should be adhered to strictly except for one off important moments like weddings and funerals. NTA.

  • "She told me that I was being a j and that if the kids want to go back to her then I should let them." Them kids didn't want to go back! Totally selfish.

  • Old_Blue_Haired_Lady NTA. That's getting kind of close to parental alienation. Your lawyer should know she's trying to poison the tiny amount of time you have custody.

  • Talk to your lawyer. And maybe petition for a parenting app to record ALL of your contacts with her. I think this will get adversarial.

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