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4 hours ago
4
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“AITAH for telling my mom not to come to my graduation and just go to her my stepsister's instead?”
"I (18f) have had issues with my mom ever since she married her husband Zeke when I was 10. Mom was a widow and I was her only child. Zeke was widowed and divorced with three kids. None from his late wife, one from a relationship before his second wife and two from his second wife. Zeke doesn't have a relationship with his son (his oldest). He shares custody of his other two kids. His daughter is my age and his younger son is 3 years younger but his relationship with them is not so good."
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"Zeke's daughter also has a [bad] relationship with her mom, who prefers her younger brother, so my mom decided she was going to treat Zeke's daughter like her own and when she started doing that she became a worse mom to me. She tried to make up for Zeke's daughter having a bad relationship with both her parents and put her first all the time."
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“If she brought us anywhere and we were going for a drive thru she would always pick my stepsister's preference over mine. If she took us to see a movie again it would be my stepsister's preference over mine. If my stepsister was with her mom and my mom took me to see a movie she'd say no if it was one my stepsister wanted to see. She also refused to take me anywhere my stepsister might want to go. But she didn't refuse to take my stepsister alone to places I might want to go.”
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“After that was happening for a while I lashed out at my stepsister and told her I hated her and she should go make her mom love her instead of stealing mine. My mom didn't talk to me for weeks as a result. Like she didn't say a single word to me in at least 5 weeks. When she did talk to me she told me she couldn't believe I would hurt someone innocent in such a cruel way because I knew she was hurting over her mom.”
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“I said I was hurting over her always picking my stepsister before me and she told me that wasn't happening and even if it was happening a bit, I should understand why that might be happening and she told me it wasn't okay to be jealous and that my jealousy made her like me less and want to spend way less time with me. I ended up getting mad at my mom and saying I was tired of being last and I yelled at her and told her it wasn't fair and I wish Zeke and his kids would go away. My stepsister heard which made my mom's anger at me return and we didn't speak for a while again.”
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“Eventually it went back to the new normal but it sucked and I grew more resentful. My mom grew more angry because as my stepsister longed for us to be closer, I refused to be and my mom didn't like me because of it. Eventually my mom asked me where all this anger was coming from and I went through every single time she put her before me. I told my mom it hurt my feelings and made me want everyone else to disappear and for us to go back to before she got married. My mom told me she'd do better if I promised to at least be nicer to my stepsister.”
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“It didn't last super long because then my stepsister got really annoyed about my dad's photo and her dad's late wife's photo being put on the same mantle and she destroyed them both. I had to be pulled away from her because I was so angry and so was she but her anger got directed at me after and she asked me why I had to have a photo of my dad and she said it was dumb to keep d3*d people's photo. We didn't pretend to be nice after that and we avoided each other.”
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“My mom occasionally tried to make me feel like she wasn't still putting Zeke's daughter first but I felt it. She definitely put way more energy into her and she tried to give me her sad story about why but I didn't care because I wanted my mom to still be a good mom to me and she wasn't.”
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“That brings us to now and graduation."
"Zeke's daughter and I go to different schools and our graduations will be separate but on the same day. Mine is a couple of hours earlier than hers. But mom wanted to do one party and she wanted me to agree to let Zeke's daughter have choice of place to celebrate. It pushed me over the edge and I told mom not to come and just go to Zeke's daughter's graduation instead. I actually gave away the ticket I have for her and I moved in with my grandparents, who already had tickets. My mom called it an overreaction and I told her I was done and to focus on Zeke's daughter like she wants and to stop expecting me to be okay with whatever's left over after that.”
via LevelRecognize
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“She keeps saying she wants to talk about it more and she told me we need to discuss it like adults. I asked if there were more excuses coming about why Zeke's daughter's preferences matter more. She told me my reaction was so extreme and we needed to discuss why. I told her to think back on the past discussion and issues I brought up and then we don't need to talk about it. I told her everything still stands and there's a whole lot more I could add but I'm not going to keep wasting my time.”
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Frankly, this kind of calm, call-out requires a level of maturity that not every teenager possesses.
After a lifetime of being put second, third, or fourth (or at least never first), this teen knew she would never be her mom's priority. So to save herself the hope and the heartache, she nipped it in the bud and told it to her straight.
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Not many of us would have the strength to stand up to our parents like this, especially at such a young age. That's what makes this teen's maturity so admirable, as she not only recognizes her parents' pattern but has decided she wouldn't be a victim of it anymore. Perhaps from now on, this will be the wakeup call that the mom needed to see the er of her ways.
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she made her choice, i hope you're going away for college go away don't look back and live your life without feeling second fiddle
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NTA, she's your mom not her's & she's taken her side over her own daughter, she showed you what you mean to her. There's a reason they say "actions speak louder than words". I'd say her actions are truthful.
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NTA your mom is a horrible mom to you and tbh its time to cut the cord with her. You have discussed this like an adult and she's still ignoring you. So let her know that you are no longer settling for whatever left over attention she has and you'll be going to college and she can forget she has a child. let her deal. get a therapist to heal from your end
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