30-week-pregnant Canadian woman decides she doesn't want her husband in the delivery room anymore after he “explained” why he doesn't want to be there

3 weeks ago 21

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  • Pregnant woman using a laptop while sitting on a living room couch at home.

    Pregnant woman sitting on a couch using a laptop at home.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Wanting your partner present during childbirth is not a fairytale vision. It's a pretty standard expectation that the person who helped create the situation shows up for the difficult part of it.

  • AITAH for wanting my husband in the delivery room?

    I'm (27f) 30 weeks pregnant and just found out my husband (31m) doesn't want to be in the delivery room.

  • All I said was that I need him there, to hold my hand and support me during one of the hardest moments of my life. He turned it into me "making an ultimatum," which I wasn't.

  • He said it's not really a thing for husbands to be there, that some women don't even want their husbands there because they might lose attraction

  • and told me to "look up percentages" of men who want to be there.

  • He then hung up.

  • Pregnant woman and partner together in a bright modern kitchen.

    Pregnant woman and her partner standing together in a bright kitchen at home.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The logic of not wanting to be there because it might affect attraction is a fascinating priority to lead with. Not concern about being emotionally useful, not worry about handling the intensity of the room, just a preemptive defense of personal comfort dressed up as consideration. Telling someone to look up percentages when they ask for support during labor is also a creative approach to the conversation, and not in a good way.

  • It honestly felt so dismissive. He wouldnt even give me actual reasons why. Its like he just couldn't be bothered.

  • Now I feel hurt and like I'm starting to lose respect for him. It feels like he doesn't want to be there for the hard part, just the baby at the end.

  • Am I overreacting, or is this as big of a deal as it feels? Am I forcing him out of his comfort zone and not appreciating it??

  •  he called me back. We are long distance at the moment. He said he doesnt want to be in the delivery room. He doesnt want to hear me scream, or see me pop, or see the baby being born.

  • He says I have a fairytale vision of the birth I want. But that if he needs me there, he will. Now, after reading all these comments, I dont want him there anymore.

  • By the end of the story she decided she didn't want him there anymore, which is honestly its own kind of resolution. Sometimes people make their position clear enough that the other person stops asking.

  • CableSufficient2788 NTA. He's a c k and I'm sorry to tell you you're in for a rough parenting journey with this man.

  • There's a specific kind of dismissiveness that comes wrapped in fake reasonableness. It doesn't say no directly, it just generates enough noise around the request that the original ask starts to feel unreasonable. Suddenly the person who wanted a hand to hold is being accused of issuing ultimatums, and the conversation has shifted entirely away from the actual subject. It's a rhetorical move, and it works until the other person notices what happened.

  • dragon-queen Yeah, it's a huge deal. Not sure how you should proceed. Are you in the U.S.? If so, he's wrong on it not being a real thing for husbands to be there. That hasn't been true for 50 years.

  • 561Florida727 I'm willing to bet this guy probably won't change diapers

  • The wanting the baby but not the birth dynamic is real and worth naming. Showing up for the good parts while finding reasons to be elsewhere for the hard ones is a pattern, not a one-time scheduling conflict. Labor is not a highlight reel moment, it's exactly the kind of situation where presence means something because it costs something. Opting out of the cost while staying enthusiastic about the reward is a coherent choice, but it tells you a lot about someone's understanding of what partnership actually involves.

  • zeldamn NTA please take what he is saying seriously. That is scary and not normal. He should want to support you in any way YOU want to

  • BookEnvironmental689 He is a gaslighting man child. You want him there who cares about percentages or stats. NTA

  • cabinet123door Ditch him, get a doula.

  • Long distance adds its own layer to this. Being physically apart during a pregnancy puts a lot of weight on the moments when presence is possible, and the delivery room is arguably the moment where it matters most. Choosing that specific occasion to draw a personal boundary is not a neutral decision.

  • Sweaty-Delivery-5300 Tell him his name's not going on that birth certificate then. What a piece of st. Big mistake having a baby with someone so immature and uncaring.

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