25-year-old daughter asks mom to pay off all her student loan debt for her Theater degree with her $200K inheritance, but mom refuses: 'I knew she wasn't the next Broadway actor.'

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  • A woman in a graduation gown and cap

    A young woman graduating with a degree in theater who has no idea how difficult it's going to be to pay off her student loans.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Some parents tell their kids that they won't pay for their college unless they major in something practical and high-paying. The mom in this story had no real control over what her daughter majored in because she wasn't the one paying for her daughter's schooling. Her daughter is a couple of years out of graduation now, and she's regretting taking on student loan debt to get a theater degree. Her daughter wants her mom to pay off her loans, but her mom is wholly unwilling to do so. 

  • Am I the bad guy for not giving my daughter the money to pay off her student loans?

    My daughter is 25 and she graduated from college around 3 years ago. When she went to college, I was very firm that she needed to pick a major that would make her money and not a major that was her dream. It was a big

  • arguement at the time and she made it clear that she was going to go for theater. I told her it was a horrible idea and to do somehting that would actually have her be able to support herself. I knew she wasn't the next broadway actor.

  • Hamilton marquee at the Richard Rogers theatre on Broadway

    A Broadway theater, where only the best of the best actors perform.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  •  I didn't pay for any of my kids college. They took out loans. We didn't have the money. She wants me to pay all her loan, she is not asking for 3k that would pay for her vacation cost.

  • I got 200k She went into theater and took out loans. She is now working as a server for an interactive dining experience. She doesn't much much and lives with two other roommates.

  • My mother recently passed away and she left me with a sizeable inheritance. I am putting it towards my retirement and going on a vacation (I am paying for the whole family to go). I

  • told everyone over family dinner and was excited to take them out the country for the first time. My daughter was quite and after dinner asked me to use the money to pay off her student loans. I told her

  • no. We got into a fight about it and I told her this is her own fault. That I will not pay off her loans and it isn't fair to her siblings.

  • She is ped and told me she isn't going on the trip. She is upset I bascially told her I told you so and thinks I am punishing her now. My point is that this was her decision and it is ufair to the other kids.

  • I got off a call with my daughter and it boils down is she regrets her degree. She feels trapped in debt and wants to be further along in her career. She thought my inhertance would be the key out of it. She got into an

  • agrumenrt with her brother because she went to rant to him. He apparently had some choice words. She told me she doesn't want the money and asked instead if she could move back home and do an accelerated

  • program (a year to two years) I agreed.

  • aminervia YTA -- not for refusing to pay off her loans, but for being smug and spiteful. Side note, if she's not going on the vacation, could you give her the money you would have spent on her? That sounds like it might be a good compromise

  • Happy Presence_7547 That'd at least show goodwill instead of doubling down on the told you so angle.

  • jiggy68 You're missing the point. If she gives one kid money she has to give equally to all the kids, at least she feels like that and that's what I would do. I don't know how much the loans are, but if they are so much that she can't pay the other kids equal amounts then the other kids become resentful.

  • My opinion is the mother begged her to choose another degree, one that would pay off her loans. She didn't. Now the daughter is selfishly asking her to pay off her loan. The mother didn't pay off the other children's loans. So paying off her loans means she has to give equally amounts to the other kids. I can tell you've never been the parent of multiple kids.

  • Jaede_VR Goodwill, when OPs child basically demands that her loans are paid off? Where's the respect on that end? That isn't goodwill at that point. That's just a child having a temper tantrum. Things didn't go as OP's daughter planned, and instead of saying that her parent had some advice she could have taken in, instead of ignoring it and thinking she was going to be a huge success.

  • swords_of_queen The thing is, though, there's no guarantee that 'sensible' degree will result in a high-paying job. Sure, there's nursing, but you have to really be cut out for that. The job market is brutal and wages are too low in general. The daughter does have a full time job and for the mom's generation, at her age she would've been able to support herself and pay down her loans. Times are different now. That's not because the daughter chose to study theater.

  • jiggy68 The reason lis because her daughter chose to study theater. Her mother counseled against it. Sure the job market is tough, but majoring in theater makes it even tougher than it already is. In a tough job market, you want to study something that has a higher chance of getting a job. "Theater" is at the bottom of the list.

  • Unfair_Finger5531 I've been a prof for a while, and I've seen so many students struggle through majors they had no interest in. What you study is supposed to prepare you for a career in that field. So forcing a kid to take up a major also forces them to seek out a career in that field. That's long-term misery if you have no interest in that field.

  • Theater majors get jobs. Maybe not as many as business majors though. But if theater is where you want to be, study theater. You cannot thrive in a career you don't like, so studying for something more lucrative is not a great life strategy unless you also have an interest in that field. She chose her major, took out loans, and now she's on the hook for them. OP is well within their rights

  • to refuse to pay the loans back. They could end this now by saying "H_I no" and moving on. The daughter was not wrong to choose a major that appealed to her. She is, however, wrong to think that her parent should shoulder the cost.

  • Thor527 OP doesn't want to give the kids money, they want to go on a family vacation, and that's totally fair. What isn't fair is their attitude towards their daughter. The resentment and continued belittling just because she made a life choice you didn't agree with is not okay. YTA for that.

  • On the other hand if her response to a free vacation is “I want cash instead or nothing” then she gets nothing. What if the other kids would rather have money instead of the trip? Then OP doesn't get their family vacation anymore and "owes" them all the same amount of money?

  • Own-Inspector-6121 OP She wants me to pay all of it. Not the 3k to take her on vacation. She wants all of her loans paid off

  • Rem-Dogg yah hard no. YNTA - she needs some tough love and probably a second job.

  • Illustrious-Mango605 You're perfectly entitled to do what you want with your own money, and you had warned her so you're not the a hole there. But "it's a horrible idea"? and especially "I knew she wasn't the next broadway star"? YTA for that. Would it have hurt you to be a little bit supportive of your child? Do you even like her?

  • Repulsive_Range_6627 Why? It was a horrible idea, and she wasn't the next broadway star. Mom was trying to save her from herself. You can't support OP now while simultaneously telling her she should have played it completely differently.

  • -13corset13- NTA. Since she has siblings, you would have to pay off everyone's student loans if you paid off hers. She made her choices, and choices have consequences.

  • Own-Inspector-6121 OP I couldn't even pay off everyone if I wanted to. Not enough inheritage for that. Especially with myoldest just coming out of law school (his debt is ridiculous, but he has the job to pay it)

  • Man wearing black notched lapel suit jacket

    A law school graduate who is paying off his student loans with his salary. 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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