16-year-old refuses to let her stepmom take on a maternal role in her life after 8 years of knowing her: 'I told her I didn't want another mom figure and I liked her as Hannah.'

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  • A woman with long hair standing in a field

    A teenage girl who will never let her stepmother take the place of her late mother. 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Adults have the liberty to decide what kinds of relationships they have with others. Nobody can force an adult to date someone they don't want to or spend time with a family member they dislike. Kids are not always given the same freedoms and are sometimes pressured to be closer to adult family members than they would like.

  • Am I wrong for not wanting to renegotiate things with my dad's wife after my dad and I agreed on how things would work with her in the house?

    When I (16f) was 11 my dad married Hannah. This was 6 years after my mom d d and 4 years after they started dating and 3 years after I met her. I like Hannah and get along with her fine but after they got married, which is

  • when she moved in, I started withdrawing from my dad and I was ride and not as happy about Hannah being there as before. After a while my dad talked to me about it and I told him I hated how she was coming in and acting like she was my mom and how I didn't realize she'd get to suddenly act like that.

  • My dad told me he had hoped I'd like having a mom or mom figure again and I told him I didn't. That I liked Hannah as Hannah and not as a mom and her acting like that made me not like her or him as much. He explained

  • why he thought it would be good and I told him how I felt honestly. He ended up agreeing that Hannah would stay Hannah and would be more hands off on parental stuff as long as I was kind and respectful to Hannah. I

  • agreed to go to therapy and work through the stuff around my mom's death and I made the promise that if I ever felt like I was later okay with Hannah being more parental I would let my dad know, but he said I didn't have to. But he just

  • A woman sitting on a chair in front of her therapist

    A teenage girl talks with her therapist about her relationship with her stepmom.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • wondered if I felt like it would be disloyal to allow that and he said if this was just truly me being a kid who felt this way then fine. He wouldn't ask me to change. But that he wanted to make sure I knew that it was okay to have more than two parents. He accepted that my

  • feelings on this were mine and not born from grief or a feeling that I was doing something wrong accepting Hannah as more. Hannah's and my relationship improved after and so did mine and dad's.

  • My dad was the one who talked to her about the things would be. But he way never told her about our talk. So she just figured dad wanted to step in before things got worse. She was upset and I thought she ended up being okay with it because it seemed like she was upset for only a little. while. But it came up recently

  • and she was upset to learn we'd had this talk without her and agreed on our relationship without her being present. She felt like, especially when she became the mother to my half siblings, and especially when she has

  • loved me and wanted to do so much more for me over the years, that she should have been given a voice in that talk. So she wanted to renegotiate to a parental figure because she said it wasn't easy living in a house where you're the fun adult only and you never get to go deeper into being a parent.

  • She said she had so much she wanted to do for me as a mom figure. I told her I didn't want another mom figure and I liked her as Hannah but I would resent her trying to be more. She said there was

  • surely a way to compromise and I asked her how that would work. She told me I could make her a secondary parent as long as she was seen as a parently momly figure.

  • I knew I could never and I told her. She talked to my dad and he told her our relationship was good as is and she can love me and be there for me without her taking on a motherly role. He asked her if she wanted a good relationship with me or a motherly relationship and

  • a motherly relationship and he told her the reality is she wouldn't be able to have both. She thinks that's really unfair of me when she was already cut out of the conversation before. AITAH?

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