Stepmom hides her 14-year-old stepdaughter's crush from her dad because she asked her not to tell him, dad gets angry at stepmom when he finds out: 'This was the first time she really opened up to me.'

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  • Young woman in gray button up shirt

    Laura, a 14-year-old girl, confided in her stepmother about her crush because she knew that her father wouldn't approve of their young love. 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the bad guy for not telling my partner something his 14-year-old daughter told me in confidence?

    My (40yr Male) partner and - myself (39yr - female) have been together for almost 5yrs, and have been living together with his daughters (14 female let's call her - Laura & 11 - female let's call her Ali) and my daughter (6 female) for about 2 years now. -

  • As the "stepmother" of the 2 girls, things haven't always been easy, but we are still learning every day and working together. My partner knows that I give the girls their space, but rules do apply in our household, which sometimas can cause some friction, mainly between eldest and myself.

  • Laura has, like so many girls her age, started to show an interest in boys. She has communicated to us that she likes a certain boy (14M - let's call him Rob). She is pretty smitten en loves telling us about him. My partner however isn't a fan of this young boy. My partner

  • Young high school students walking in a corridor at school

    Rob, a 14-year-old boy who is dating Laura, even though her father dislikes his father. Where have we heard this story before?

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • knows Rob's dad and his experiences with him weren't so nice. Because of this, he stated that Rob probably isn't a great match for her and she shouldn't be wasting her time with him. (she is 14 and this is clearly puppy love..) Laura was pretty upset with her dad's statement but she kind of let it go.

  • Now to the real issue.. Up to last weekend, Laura has never really confided in me about specific things that are important to her. She sometimes has, but that would have been things that she told her dad as well.. Last weekend however Laura and myself went to and event together, just the two of us.

  • While we were there, she opened up to me about Rob and they are kind of a little thing. You could tell she was very nervous but also very excited about this. She however, asked me specific to not tell her dad YET. She said she wanted to wait and see if she still liked Rob in a few weeks and would tell dad herself after these few weeks.

  • She stated that because of his reaction last time, she didn't feel comfortable telling him yet, which I totally understand. I told her that I wouldn't tell dad, because Laura wasn't in any danger, nothing would change and it wasn't life altering.

  • Man in white brown and black plaid button-up shirt

    Dear old dad, who doesn't want his wife to have secrets with his daughter.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I did however tell her that she should tell him eventually, after a few weeks. She said she would. Yesterday, Ali let it slip by accident, that Laura had a boyfriend (Rob). My partner was shocked and asked if this was true. He now is upset with me because I didn't tell him about this.

  • I really didn't want to damage her trust, especially since this was the first time she really opened up to me. My partner also doesn't understand that the reason Laura didn't want to say anything to him, was because of his earlier statements.

  • Now he isn't speaking to me, nor is he speaking to Laura because of all of this. Now I don't want to make this about me, but I am also a little upset with my partner because of his reaction. He know how hard I try to be a good stepmum and connect with his/the girls. For the first

  • time now I finally feel like Laura let me "in", and he gets mad about it. Sorry if my English isn't great, it's not my first language. So, AITA?

  • perfidious_snatch NTA, you showed your stepdaughters that they can trust you. Your husband, on the other hand, is going the right way to ensuring they will never be open with him about anything. Is he this much of an with everything, or does he just turn into a big sulking mess over Rob/Rob's dad?

  • mental_pain1 I'm a therapist, I work with children and those who hide things from their parents, are those who worry about their reactions. So they end up without guidance and do worse in these situations. His daughter wanted her dad to know, she just was worried about his reaction and wanted to make sure she likes the boy and it's worth the strong reaction. Now she'll think she caused her stepmom trouble by going to her and will be inclined not to tell any parent in the future. Op needs to let

  • Jennifer Junipero NTA. Your husband is being unfair to Rob, unfair to Laura, and unfair and unreasonable where you're concerned.

  • donkeyvoteadick What kind of a parent gives their child the silent treatment. Literally what.. that's really awful behaviour from him.

  • Lester_B Do you want Romeo & Juliet? Because that's how. you get Romeo & Juliet.

  • NotATalkingMushroom NTA, since she wasn't in danger and she was going to tell him herself. But your partner seems to have issues, and if I were Laura I'd feel confirmed in my decision not to be forthcoming with sensitive stuff because of his reaction.

  • rnz she was going to tell him herself. I am curious, isn't a kid entitled to not tell parents about their crushes?

  • NotATalking Mushroom I'm not saying she isn't. But the fact that she said she was going to do it makes not telling OP's partner even less of a problem.

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